Through the Mist

The regrets I would have if I was going to die in two weeks would probably be pretty large.  I don’t really know my biological father very well and I feel like it didn’t have to be like that.  He tries to call from time to time, but I’m holding on to a grudge that makes it difficult to talk to him at all.  I would probably regret not taking the time to find someone to share my life with as well.  I’m single and from what I can tell, I’m going to be single for a while.  I haven’t done anything about these regrets as of now becuase, well, I don’t really have an answer for that.  I guess it comes down to when Friday night comes around, I’d rather be making money than spending it at a bar, trying to find a woman.  Then again, if I’m meeting someone at a bar, they’re probably not the type of woman I would like anyways.  As far as patching things up with my father, one day I’ll rebuild that bridge that I burned down.  Maybe in the last two weeks of my life.

If I had the chance to change something without having to worry about the cost or the mess, I would tear down this house I live in and build a new one from the ground up.  I know how to build a house, how to pour a concrete foundation, how to install the plumbing and wiring needed for a house to work properly.  I know how to remodel a bathroom and lay sod down for the lawn.  I used to do all of these things as a part time job at one point or another, but simply do not have the funds available to do this for myself.  The current house I live in is a rental house, and I am not very satisfied with the work that went into building this house.  The wiring is shoddy, the plumbing doesn’t work right all the time, and the concrete walkways are not level so water fills up the sidewalk when it rains.  I would love to redo this entire house and fix all the mistakes that were made the first time around.

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When I am bored, which is hardly ever since I work all the time, I think about the money I’m wasting by not doing anything.  If I could work more hours at my job, I would.  As a single person with no wife or children, I work for myself.  Knowing that I am not working feels like money that I’m throwing down the drain.  I’m always on the lookout for another way to make some more money.  In the rare occasion that I have nothing to do, I will usually clean the house, watch tv, or go for a drive to visit some friends.

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The inspriation that keeps me going, day in and day out, is the simple fact that all the things that I need to continue living are not obtainable without money.  I come home each night and stare hard at my budget, thinking about about what I need to do and how hard I need to work in order to get the things I need to continue living in a comfortable home.  I think about all of this and how that goal will never be accomplished if I do not go to work the next day.  It’s not a job that I enjoy, but it needs to be done in order to keep on surviving.  Food, a place to live, a vehicle for transportation.  None of this is available to me if I do not have a job.